9. Nine is what my mom calls me - it is my nickname and a few of my closest friend call me nine. I love that name. When i first wanted to open a bakery by myself, i wanted to call it nine. :) I thought that would allow for so many cool marketing opportunities plus it was a personal story as well. Anyway, I am no longer opening a bakery and I'm not calling it nine. Well not yet at least - never say never. Today I am going to talk about a very frivolous thing, only because I am in a frivolous kind of mood. It's fashion.
I was pathetic at putting things together growing up. One, I had immense body image issues plus I also did not have a very good sense of what looks good on me - i would try stuff that looked good on others hoping it would sit well on me as well. I didn't know what colours went together or what jewellery matched what outfit and I knew nothing about make up. And my hair. I didn't know what to do with it, I don't think I still do a good job with my hairstyles - sometimes when I look at women with beautiful DIY hairstyles, I wonder why it is a skill I never cultivated growing up.
I did not think I was particularly a tomboy growing up. But I looked up the definition of a tomboy and I think I kinda of fit all characteristics of being one. This is true for most of high-school and maybe, just maybe, in my last year of school I sorta began to understand fashion and how to put things together. For that I am eternally grateful to Delhi. When I was working in Hyderabad, someone said to me "You are everything one would expect from a Delhi girl" and I was so insulted. Because I do not think highly of anyone from Delhi, as much as i love the city, i find the culture a bit too rowdy and crass and unpolished for my liking, but that maybe just the south indian in me. I mean, don't get me wrong, two of my closest friends are from Delhi - but the thing is they are SO unlike the regular Delhi crowd, that they kind of ratify the point im trying to make here. :) So anyway, when someone called me a delhi girl, I was shocked and insulted. But what they meant (which they later explained after my jaw dropped in front of them) was that I reminded them of a delhi girl who has raided FabIndia and the silver jewellery market at Delhi Haat. And everything about the previous sentence is me. I used to occasionally - ok fine, still do - raid FabIndia and if you take me anywhere close to an Indian silver jewellery collection, my bank account will hate you.
Delhi taught me to find a fashion identity I was comfortable with and stick with it and experiment within the confines of that. Even today, if you see me wearing dresses, there are high chances that they are made from indian textiles and indian prints. I feel most comfortable when I am in prints and fabrics are scream India. my love for silver jewellery and eventually any kind of jewellery is also a gift of Delhi. I think I remember my first pair of earrings from Delhi Haat and my of course silver nose rings from the market at GK. I slowly, piece by piece, started putting these things together and realised - hey here's an identity I connect with and I am comfortable with and it looks good! It's also the time when i started getting used to using kajal or kohl and that also fit in well with the "look" I was going for. What completed the attire was the kolhapuri chappals from Delhi Haat or Sarojini Nagar market. they are still the kind I love to wear with almost everything. Which is why i say that that period of my life established a sense of fashion in me, which frankly remained unchanged for a long time.
Eventually I put on a lot of weight in Hyderabad and indian clothes are quite forgiving that way - so I found no reason to step outside of my comfort zone. Which is why in many of my love stories on this blog, you'll see that most female protagonists have a very Indian style of dressing - all inspired by Delhi. Eventually when I found my zone, I started loving dressing up. Going to work was exciting not only because I was having fun with my colleagues and in the job I was doing - but also because it gave me an opportunity to dress up everyday. Even when i was most sleepy or tired in the morning, a shower was all it took for me to get going and to put something nice and dressy together. Very rarely, on days I have been very hung-over, would i throw a sweatshirt over my jeans and slip into my kolhapuris and walk into work. Rarely. Indian was what I loved wearing, but that does not mean that I didn't wear any western clothes, I did. But I wasn't the most comfortable in them - I had many pieces in my wardrobe, but even amongst those I found about 5-6 i loved and repeated them a lot. Now when I look back at pictures from those days, I cringe when I see myself in outfits that aren't indian - not my best camera moments. But through these years, I was acquiring a style that wasn't necessarily curated by Fab India but stuff I had put together because I thought they looked good together and that they looked good on me. I also acquired many gorgeous pieces of silver jewellery that i still wear and treasure !
Moving to Singapore of course was another leap in my journey of getting to know myself in that area. I lost a bunch of weight and suddenly when I wore western clothes or clothes that had a snug fit, I didn't look all that bad. I am my harshest critic, so for me to say "not bad" while looking at myself in the mirror is quite a big deal. It is in Singapore, I learnt to dress comfortably and also dress smart - I knew these are not mutually exclusive of course, because I thought I dressed smart in Hyderabad as well. But the way I started putting pieces together started to change - I went from going full indian to having an Indian element in my attire but keeping things very modern and very western. With loads of jewellery of course. It was also the time when Indian textiles were making a comeback and there were many designers who were designing for the modern Indian working woman. I was inspired by those designs but I also had my own thing going on. The kolhapuri too stayed the course with me. I ditched the kohl in the lower eyelids and just did eye liner on my upper lid - which meant less smudging and an overall cleaner look. I learnt that makeup can be subtle and needn't scream out. I still rarely wear a lot of make up and when i do it's usually soft tones that complement my skin tone. The one major change though was gaining the confidence to wear red lipstick and eventually colours that make your face pop! I still love it, when Im wearing red lipstick, I feel like a very very pretty girl and maybe that is why I like wearing it, because it makes me feel good about myself. And i think that is what fashion should be - something that makes you feel good and then you'll eventually naturally look good.
I still prefer flats to heels and only very rarely, on special special occasions you'll see me in heels. Again, I love the way they make you feel, but irrespective of how comfortable the heels claim to be, nothing beats the comfort of a kolhapuri. I once attended a talk by this lady who runs ShoesOfPrey, Jodie Fox and she told the audience that for her wearing heels automatically meant an elevated sense of self confidence and she felt like she could own the room she walked into when she was wearing heels. And I get why she feels that way, I feel that way about red lipstick and i also feel that way when I do wear heels as well. But they're always just so painful, and up until now, my job required a lot of running around - a lot. And I just didn't feel good after a whole day of wearing heels and running. I also do not believe that they are good for your body in the long term, but well so is sugar, but I'm not gonna stop eating cakes eh. I still do wear heels, but they aren't my most favorite choice of footwear. Which is why when the wearing mojris or jootis with sarees trend started in India, I was ecstatic and I still am ! Sarees, ah, how can I forget that beautiful garment. I love wearing sarees and over the years have grown comfortable with wearing them by myself and at work. Yes, i know I just said i used to having a run-around-all-day kinda job - but believe me sarees are perfect for running around! I started wearing sarees to work in Singapore and loved it. I still think I feel most beautiful in indian garments! Jewellery still remains a love of mine and my two absolute favorite brands are Amrapali and Suhani Pittie, but nothing compares to the magical finds of a street markets of India. I picked up a pair of silver with garnet earrings from literally a dude who was sitting inside the Jaisalmer fort selling silver and every time I see or wear them that memory comes rushing back to me. My mother has a lovely aesthetic when it comes to Indian fashion and interiors and I always look to her for inspiration and approval - but I have also learnt to hold my own when she disapproves ;)
Now that I am living the quiet, non-corporate life in Bali, I do not need more than two pairs of shorts and a few ganjis and dresses to keep me going. And there are days when i MISS dressing up. I miss it terribly, simply because it gave me such great joy. I have also transferred most of my jewellery and "good clothes" back home to Bangalore and something in me pained when I parted ways with those pieces of clothing and jewellery. But well, every phase in life has it's own characteristics and the minimal possessions outlook seems to be something that defines this phase of mine.
When I look back, I think my journey has been a mix of understanding what I like, who I am, what looks good on me, what makes me feel divine and what makes me smile. Before I step out of the house being all dolled up, irrespective of how many times I have looked at the mirror and checked everything, I look at the mirror one last time and smile to myself and when I am not pleased with my attire that smile doesn't appear. And that has not stopped me from going back and re-doing everything. I know it's vain. But well, it's me. I'll end this post talking about this my friend who shared this fashion evolution with me and even today when we meet ( I met her recently in London) we sit and talk about how we went to watch Aisha simply because all the clothes and makeup looked so good and how we didn't stop dancing to the songs of that movie for many weeks to come and even bought this (looking back very random) powdered midnight-blue kohl thing that L'oreal was promoting in the movie - we are the perfect scapegoats for the big bad world of commercials.
I know I have spoken about many many vain things in this post, but gaining this confidence to start putting things together and having my own sense of style is such a huge part of who I am and also speaks through my journey, that it needed to be mentioned in these posts about my 20s. So I entered the twenties like a delhi girl, being a little unsure and beginning to play with styles and I am exiting the twenties being very comfortable with that style, which with all the experiences I have had over these last ten years has evolved tremendously. As much as i love dressing up and being all pretty, my favourite way to be is in my really short shorts with a ganji, my hair all oiled & tied up in a bun and tumeric and gram flour paste on my face or late at night, when my face and hands and feet are nicely moisturized because that means I'm no longer getting off the bed for the day! I'll end with these very vain lines of a song from the movie Aisha dedicated to my crazy friend and me. Also, I still suck at hairstyles. Guess, I'll reserve that one for the 30s ;)
तुम हो कमाल तुम बेमिसाल तुम लाजवाब हो आइशा
ऐसी हसीं हो जिसको छु लो उसको हसीं कर दो
तुम सोचती हो दुनिया में कोई भी क्यों खराब हो आयशा
तुम सोचती हो तुम कोई रंग हर ज़िन्दगी में भर दो .....
~ Javed Akhtar, Aisha.
~edit~
some of my fav places to shop stuff from (online and offline):
Dilli Haat (everything)
Commercial Street Bangalore (kolhapuris)
Fab India (any outlet in the country for kurtis and dupattas)
Anokhi, Delhi, Khan Market outlet
Mogra Designs
Anomaly (love them, LOVE THEM)
Goodearth (when I can afford them on sale)
Suhani Pittie (jewellery)
Amrapali (jewellery)
Needledust (Mojris)
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