Thanks, Dad

Do Nainaa
Aur ek Kahani
Thoda Sa Baadal
Thoda Sa Paani
Aur ek Kahani

Choti Si Do Jheelon Mein
Wo Behati Rehati Hai
Koi Sune Ya Na Sune
Kehti Rehti Hai
Kuch Likh Ke Aur Kuch Zubani

~Gulzar
~~Masoom

This one is devoted to my Father.

You know, while growing up parents always say things to the kids and they often end their arguments with "We've grown up, crossed all the paths that you will be crossing, and we know what its like" And you often say to yourself, no way! That was a different time and these are different times, things are now different, the paths are different. And so you go on, do what you want to do. It's often happened to me.

And it happened again, when I told my parents that I was dating someone. My Father wrote me an email and said a lot of things. He didnt shout, he didnt preach. But it had a nice "conversation over coffee" feel to it. And I love re-reading that email sometimes. The crux of what he said was, "I am happy for you, this is a new step in your life, it will teach you loads, you will re-discover yourself, it strengthens a person, this relationship thing." Even though I loved the email, I found myself thinking "Aah dad and his philosophies"

I thought I knew myself, very well. Inside-out. But not. I have in these 1.5 years figured that in the simple person I thought I was, there is this complex being. There was this one particular incident that I thought I would handle very well. It involved a couple of friends and me. It caused some bitterness and we drifted apart. After a few months, I thought I could move on, forget and start afresh, but looks like I can not. I tried, reluctantly at first and with a little heart later. But I figured that I just can not give someone who betrayed me a second chance. Im a 'no-second chances' person. And I didn't know that.

Now where the relationship part comes in is, this also complicated my other half's relationship with them. I initially thought, that was no big deal, so what if I can not be friends with someone, I sure he can. We can have different groups, and he can have a group I do not like. And I said so to him, in the first few months of the relationship. He much more mature than I am, said ok, we'll take it as it comes. And as time passed, I realized, I could not forget and I will not allow him to enjoy their company as well. This person, who realized this, was not me. But it was. This was a new side of mine, a side I had never seen and was quite shocked about it too. But it just was. It is the person I am. And I had realised it, just like my dad said I would. I re-discovered myself.

I tried again, quite recently to make things ok, just for his sake. I knew it was unfair to him. But I failed. I could not forget and there was again, no second chance, that I could give.

3 years back, when today we would all be together setting up a 12:00am Birthday party for that friend, today we sit home alone, while there is a party happening.

The world and people have moved on, but looks like I haven't.

Is this something I need to work on?

My tiny ego (something I discovered quite recently too) says no. It's just the way you are. or maybe not..

Thodi Si Hain Jani Hui
Thodi Si Nayi
Jahaan Ruke aansoo
Wahi Poori Ho Gayi
Hai To Nayi Phir Bhi Hain Purani

Ek Khatm Ho To
Doosri Yaad Aa Jaati Hai
Hothon Pe phir Bhooli Hui
Baat Aa Jaati Hai
Do Nainon Ki Hain Ye Kahani