Zindagi Migzara.

Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi

Chhaaon hai kabhi kabhi hai dhoop zindagi

~~Javed Akhtar, Kal ho Na Ho

This is a post I will HAVE to name after my blog, simply because no other phrase can capture the true meaning of what I will try my best to express in words in this one.

It all started on the Third Floor balcony of Omega, Hyderabad. And the best part is the fact that we didn't even know that we had started something new. We went through months of dilemma and denial while deep down both of us just knew. As a very dear friend puts it we had the 'connection' , but we were yet to discover it. Days, Nights, and months went by, before we realized. In fact more than 'realization', we accepted that we meant a lot more to each other. Today when people ask me for a time,date and place and what, where, how, when. I am clueless. Because it was not love at first sight, it was even more beautiful than that. A friendship that both of us treasured to the very depths of our being and wanted to treasure it with a different name and meaning for the rest of our lives. It was when we went to watch Shrek and while the hall was engrossed in the kingdom of Far Far Away. We were far away with smiles in our heads. There were no roses, no cheesy lines, no randomness, no surprises. Because we just knew and the difference was we had said it aloud. I was apprehensive, afraid, doubtful, but in midst of all this confusion, i was sure, as sure as i could get. So when he asked me 'to give it a try' , I knew it was either a yes for life or a no now. And i said yes. From that day on to now we have been living a dream. And we let people who matter to us know first. We got reactions - some we anticipated and some we didn't. Some that made us happy, some that made us sad. But we knew us, we knew what we had lived through and what had led to 'us' and that was enough. A lot say I have contradicted myself and virtues i believed in, and what I stood for as a person. There were times when I myself compared and felt bad and didn't know what I was doing or why. But those moments didnt last long and I knew what the reasons were and that was enough.

The dream run started with Bombay and what else - Shah's house. This is something that deserves another blog post. But for now, getting back to the topic. It was just perfect for him to be the first one to take me to Shah's house - Mannat. And while i gazed with dreamy eyes at the house and thought to myself about Raj in DDLJ. He stood next to me and saw my smile grow wider and wider. And he said to me - I had to get you here with me. It was the perfect moment, the perfect place and the perfect thing to say. I went and sat in front of Shah's house staring, not at the house, but into space with my Shah and what he meant to me and I found him in my thoughts. I turned to my right to see him patiently sitting with me and alternately looking from me to the house to me again. And when I was staring at him, A Chai wallah, at the perfect moment comes and says 'Chai'. I smile my widest smile and say - haan bhaiyya, ek chai please. And me with a tiny plastic cup and a Rs 6 chai, with Mannat before me and the sea behind and my Raj next to me.

As I walked away from Mannat, I knew the answer to all my doubts and questions and I looked back at the house and took a long look to last me until the next time, and felt myself being the happiest. Ever.

Long back, a friend of mine and me, were sun bathing ourselves on the lawns of Jesus and Mary College, bunking a class, just because we didn't feel like getting up that November morning. We touched topics like love, career, international economics test next week, men and our checklist of the kind of men who we would love to spend the rest of our lives with. And I remember actually sitting up and writing down on a piece of our assignments sheet - "1,2,3 4..." The list went up to 10. I would love to go into the details of that list, but this is not really the appropriate place for it. But both of us made a photocopy of that list. She also has the original. The photocopy cost us .50 paise. But the list is priceless. and the memories even more so. And today when I think of us, the boy and me - he is everything on that list. I often find myself telling him, "you're so much like my Father". I wrote to that friend of mine to tell her about him and I also mentioned the lawn talking session and while I was writing the mail I knew, it was meant to be.

There are loads of things to think of, loads of things to do, parents to handle, in such times I remember an Acne cream ad that used to be shown on Television long long back, and I feel like saying "i don't care". We will cross the bridge when we get there.

For now, the music that had stopped, has started again, and perfectly with a Shah tune.

Har pal yahan jeebhar jiyo 
Jo hai sama kal ho naa ho