Goodbye 29 - July 10

Growing up, my grandfather and I would sit in the verandah in their house and sing. Or in the kitchen while there was some lovely dinner being prepared - we would sit together on this wooden bench and sing. We loved to sing.  I still love to sing - especially in the kitchen. When I baked at night for the bake sale at work, I would put on some great music and just flow. I once bought a lovely book about scones and for every recipe there was a song on the top of the page - what a great idea. If I ever write a cookbook, I would do the exact same thing. I guess I do that a little bit here on this blog.

When people ask me what mind of music I like, I do not know what to say. I like anything that sounds good - i find it very restrictive to name a particular genre - also because I am so moody about stuff that I could be listening to soft instrumental one day and dance music the other day. I connect with hindi and hindustani music more than anything else - I guess that counts as a "genre" I like no? Sadly bollywood music is looked at in a not very nice way, but if you understand urdu/hindi and have a basic sense of rhythm, you'd realise how absolutely divine these songs are. In fact even though I do not understand malyalam bengali or tamil all that well, I find some songs from those languages so very nice as well - so i guess if you have a sense of rhythm and note, you'll appreciate any music. Other than hard rock or death metal I guess - sorry to all those fans out there, including my brother ! 

I'm in a very blah mood today - have too many things I'm thinking through. In fact as I write this blog, I am also watching one of my favourite Indian Chefs on YouTube - Harpal Singh make Hara Bhara Kebab - so i won't lie my attention is a little divided. Usually I have a playlist on while writing and I select songs that go with the mood I am in and that in fact adds so much to my experience of writing and at times even to what I write. That is especially true in the case of love stories - my mood & my story flow together and both are influenced by what's playing in the background. 

In my recent trip to the US - my mother's brother - drove my parents and I, along with my aunt to Washington DC from New Jersey. My mother has three brothers and she is the youngest. This uncle of mine is the second brother. Him and the youngest brother are exactly like my grandfather in their love for Hindi music. Even today you will hear them hum songs from Kishore Kumar, Mohd Rafi, Asha, Lata, RD Burman and many others from that era. So on this trip my uncle connected his iPod to the car stereo and for the entire duration of the drive to and drive back we had some great music accompanying us! I sang along and it is one of the best times of my trip to the US - it was just such a great mix of old songs and the nicer new ones. Plus the joy of singing along with my uncle :)

A friend of mine in Singapore and I loved to sing together. We would listen to this radio station called City 101.6. i can repeat their jingle/tagline in my sleep - UAEs Number 1 Bollywood Radio station. Thanks to them, I knew everything about the UAE and what's happening and where the traffic is the worst and which restaurants to eat at and what movie stars were visiting Dubai - everything. I loved it! The fun about listening to radio station is the RJs, if they are amazing, you actually want to listen to them talk more than the songs and i loved listening to the RJs on City 101.6 - they just seemed like they all shared such great camaraderie! So imagine my utter joy when one of the presenters, Malavika or Maalu as she called on the station popped into my office in Singapore! As much as I loved listening to them speak, the best time to listen to songs on the station was Friday mornings because Fridays are a holiday in the UAE, the team would curate a lovely playlist for the listeners and there is not one song that would make me go "oh man not this one" They were all so so good. 

My love for the radio grew in Delhi - I think I have written about how while studying for those wretched exams in college in Delhi winters, I would make myself a big cup of coffee or chai (maybe that is where I learnt how to make chai), and put on Radio City or Red FM or Radio Mirchi or AIR and listen to their late night offerings and study. My mother never understood how I could study with music in the background, but it's really the only way I could. And I think that is true for anything at all. When i paint, I need music or when I cook or even if I am just sitting and doing nothing and staring into space, sometimes I am reading a book and listening to music at the same time - baffling. Life just seems duller without some background music. I've said before, I might step into the thirties, but I will never step out of bollywood ;) And the lyrics, if I could remember some of the stuff I studied so I could produce them on my exam sheets the way I remember these lyrics, I'd be a university topper. Sometimes even when long forgotten songs and tunes start playing, a sudden movement of a particular instrument is enough for the whole song to come flooding back into my memory - with the exact spaces where you pause, take a breath and so on. Miracle truly. 

I don't see what this post has to do with my twenties - other than maybe the fact that music has accompanied me throughout - through my extreme joys and deepest sorrows, when I got through terrific roles at work and when I missed promotions in a row, when friends left the city or country and when new friendships were formed, when travel inspired many joyous dances and when solo travel also inspired lonely walks through deserted city streets, when i loved and was loved, and when I let go and lost, when a friend was exactly what I needed and when all I wanted to be was alone by myself. There was this one time in Singapore, when i got into the wrong bus, at around 9 pm at night. I did that a lot. But this time was special because the bus was going through areas I had never been to and City 101.6 was playing such lovely songs that I continued to stay seated on that window seat and went to the absolute end of the exact opposite direction from the one I intended to go to. And then I took a taxi back home. The busdriver thought I was mad. But it was such fun. I can't remember what I was going through in life at that point in time and why I felt the need to sit in an SMRT bus at night by myself, but I remember having fun through the entire trip. And that's all that matters. Also one of the beautiful things about living in Singapore, the sheer safety & the fact that I could do that all alone at night.

Some nights I would lay in bed with this immense urge to sing something and it would be 1 am in the morning. I'd fail at pursuading myself to sleep and sit up and look up the lyrics if I didn't remember them and sing, by myself to myself. And I know this is going to sound very weird, but in those instances I've always felt my late grandfather close by. I miss him, I miss his presence when I go back home, I can't even imagine how my mom must feel. I thank him and my parents for my love of music. And all kinds of music.

Singapore also gave me the opportunity to attend many many many concerts and shows and my appreciation and love for all kinds of soulful music grew - I've often taken public transport back from these amazing concerts being mesmerized and in another world altogether. How I managed to get onto the correct bus in these situations is a mystery. When I was in Austria last year I attended some lovely performances and more recently I attended a spectacular Zimmer Vs Williams concert at the Royal Albert Hall in London and it was all kinds of magic. These things, notes of music, tunes that have stayed with me, tiny rhythms they all make me me - and the twenties added so much in terms of musical experiences, I feel blessed.

Chef Harpal Singh has finished teaching me how to make this kebab, and I have to head to the local fresh  market at 6 am tomorrow to try and find spinach to replicate this recipe, so I'm going to say sayonara. But I'll sign off with this song that my mind invariably goes to when I'm silent and blank, which was also one of my grandfather's favorite one's to hum from the movie Hum Dono starring Dev Anand, Abhi Na Jao Chod Kar:l. The picture I've shared at the start of this post is the verandah where Thatha and I used to sit and sing. This one's for you Thatha:


Abhi na jao chod kar
Ki Dil abhi bhara nahin
Abhi abhi toh aayi ho
Abhi abhi toh,
Abhi abhi toh aayi ho
Bahaar banke chaayii ho
Hawaa zara mehek toh le
Nazar zara behek toh le
Yeh shaam dhal toh le zara
Yeh shaam dhal toh le zara
Yeh dil sambhal toh le zara
Main thodi der ji toh loon
Nashe ke ghunt pi toh loon
Abhi to kuch kaha nahi
Abhi to kuch suna nahi
Abhi na jao chod kar
Ki dil abhi bhara nahi

Written by Sahir Ludhianvi
Sung by Mohammad Rafi