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July 24 - last leg now.


Dedicating this song below to my trip to Portugal. A movie I hated, but a song I quote like combining Hindi and Portuguese Fado styles, Yaadon mein from Jab Harry Met Sejal penned by Irshad Kamil. Echoing the feelings I carry in my heart as I leave Europe to head back to my life in India - happy to go back, albeit reluctantly.

यादों में जलते रहना तेरा मेरा
यादों में जलते  रहने को मिले हैं क्या
यादें भी लेजा तू अपनी जहां चला
यादों में डूबे दिन भी ढले हैं क्या

तुमसे वादा नहीं
तुमसे शिकवा नहीं
तेरा वह हैं जहां
होक मैं न जहां

तुमसे ... 

हाला की यह एहसास हैं तू पास हैं
फिर क्यों अभी से ही मुझे
यादें  तेरी आना लगी 

छोड़ों मेरी तोह खैर हैं
जिनपे चलें हम साथ मे
उन रास्तों कि जान भी
जाने लगी

तुमसे दूरी नहीं
तुमसे बिछडी नहीं
थोड़ा सा तू वहाँ
थोड़ी सी मैं यहां

I am writing this as I am seated at the Abu Dhabi airport, very sleep deprived, craving some hot meal and a hot shower. Last leg of my series of "OMG I am going to be 31" and definitely the last leg of my travels and work in Europe and the UK.

I know I should be writing more o my last day. But I am kind of sad today. When I head out of the Bangalore Airport, I will be glad to see my parents waiting for me. But I also know as I walk towards the exit, i will have completed the sequence of pain in my heart from when I left Bergerac. So all that I had blocked out from feeling because i had time in London and a trip to Lisbon planned is going to hit me like a wave. And I will have no option but to drown and feel everything and re-emerge. Because Zendagi Migzara.

I do not know how to describe what I am feeling right now, so I am going to hide behind the movies and pick a scene that best captures my mood and my heart. This was, quote weirdly is from Jab We Met - a movie also directed by Imtiaz Ali, one of my favourite film makers in Bollywood, who directed Jab Harry Met Sejal from above.

Geet the protagonist is faced with two choices and as she faces what's in store for her and her future -something she had always prayed for and desired, she can not shake off the feeling of a loss, of a letting go of another desire. And she describes it as an impatience in her heart, as though she was missing a train.

 I feel that right now, as though I am missing a train.

Hopefully, I will prove myself wrong when I arrive in India and dance with joy. After all, I am going to be 31 in a few hours - it is time to be wise.

Or is it time to give into our madness even more?

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