Goodbye 29 - July 22

Don't give into your fears. If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart.

~ Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Have you ever had your heart stop talking to you. Mine does that to me now and then and invariably when I'm asking it to answer me or guide me. And that is always when I'm giving into my fears. Whether it's with men, with pursuing my dreams, with living life exactly how I want to instead of thinking of what people would say, fear of money, fear of being alone, fear of not being worthy of love or not worthy of loving and fear of not meaning anything to anyone. My twenties have been ten years of me identifying those fears and slowly working through them. I wouldn't say I have gotten rid of them completely. If at all, there are some that have gotten worse over time. But in spite of those fears I have managed to keep some dreams alive and coax my heart to talk to me again. And now slowly as I am challenging those fears head on, my heart is rising from it's ashes. But it's voice is still very faint and I can barely hear it. Am I the only one one that happens to? The numbness & the silence of your heart - or are there others that feel the same?

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Zindagi Migzara.

As I dimmed the lights of my room last night, Singapore's hot and humid air changed to a gush of strong cold wind. The curtains fluttered and made my ddlj cow bells ring. I turned and stared at them for a long time. I readjusted the laptop on my bed and plonked myself against two big pillows. My eyes closed themselves. There was a silence that was neither deafening nor lonely. It was just what silence is meant to be.... silent. And my curtains moved again, moving the bells with them. The bells took me back to Shahrukh and his movies. I opened my eyes and looked at those bells for a long long time. My mom had picked them up from Switzerland for me. I thought of her and teared up. I wanted her now. I wanted her touch. It was 10pm at home in India and at this time, after dinner and closing the kitchen, my mother, takes a shower. She comes out of the bathroom, and brings with her a waft of her talcum powder and her body lotion. That fragrance can make you forget all your worries...

Heer and Sahiba

हीर हीर ना आँखा उडियो मैं ते साहिबा होई घोड़ी लेके आवे ले जाए घोड़ी लेके आवे ले जाए ओ मेनू , ले जाए मिर्ज़ा कोई ले जाए मिर्ज़ा कोई ले जाए मिर्ज़ा कोई -Gulzar -- Jab Tak Hain Jaan I love this song from Jab Tak Hain Jaan. While its difficult to capture the essence of the song in words, I'll try to. In Indian/Punjabi folklore, there are two very famous love stories : Sahiba - Mirza and Heer - Ranjha. In both tales, the lovers dont live happily ever after. In the second story, heer and ranjha never get together, heer's brothers taking the couple's love as an insult to the family's reputation kill him. In the first tale of Sahiba and Mirza, Mirza comes on a horse and takes Sahiba away, for a life together. But their journey is interrupted by Sahiba's brothers, who kill Mirza, thus ending the love story. In the song, a lady sings and says - don't call me Heer, I'm wish my destiny is like that of Sahiba's, i aeait a Mirza, who'l...

Sugeng Warsa Enggal ~ My trip to Yogyakarta!

[ A Buddha statue looking out to the valley in Borobudur] Happy New Year or Sugeng Warsa Engga, as they would say it in Java. As 2013 came to a close, I caught myself looking back at the moments that made me insanely happy and the moments that made me indescribably sad. And what a year. Life changing indeed. So i wanted to do something for myself at the end of the year. Now what could that be. I certainly didn't want to stay here in Singapore, and didn't have enough vacation leaves to make the journey home and back. I opened my laptop and went onto the Tiger Airways site and booked myself a ticket to Yogyakarta, then booked the hotel. And in 10mins, I was ready to fly away. I've done more impromptu things like that, but never alone. Actually, I'd never traveled alone, ever. Always thought it would be too depressing. But I was in for a huge surprise. Yogya or Jogja as they call it, is a city in the Javanese group of islands in Indonesia. You can read all about...

Zendagi Migzara

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