Goodbye 29 - July 22

Don't give into your fears. If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart.

~ Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Have you ever had your heart stop talking to you. Mine does that to me now and then and invariably when I'm asking it to answer me or guide me. And that is always when I'm giving into my fears. Whether it's with men, with pursuing my dreams, with living life exactly how I want to instead of thinking of what people would say, fear of money, fear of being alone, fear of not being worthy of love or not worthy of loving and fear of not meaning anything to anyone. My twenties have been ten years of me identifying those fears and slowly working through them. I wouldn't say I have gotten rid of them completely. If at all, there are some that have gotten worse over time. But in spite of those fears I have managed to keep some dreams alive and coax my heart to talk to me again. And now slowly as I am challenging those fears head on, my heart is rising from it's ashes. But it's voice is still very faint and I can barely hear it. Am I the only one one that happens to? The numbness & the silence of your heart - or are there others that feel the same?

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Zindagi Migzara.

As I dimmed the lights of my room last night, Singapore's hot and humid air changed to a gush of strong cold wind. The curtains fluttered and made my ddlj cow bells ring. I turned and stared at them for a long time. I readjusted the laptop on my bed and plonked myself against two big pillows. My eyes closed themselves. There was a silence that was neither deafening nor lonely. It was just what silence is meant to be.... silent. And my curtains moved again, moving the bells with them. The bells took me back to Shahrukh and his movies. I opened my eyes and looked at those bells for a long long time. My mom had picked them up from Switzerland for me. I thought of her and teared up. I wanted her now. I wanted her touch. It was 10pm at home in India and at this time, after dinner and closing the kitchen, my mother, takes a shower. She comes out of the bathroom, and brings with her a waft of her talcum powder and her body lotion. That fragrance can make you forget all your worries...

Thanks, Dad

Do Nainaa Aur ek Kahani Thoda Sa Baadal Thoda Sa Paani Aur ek Kahani Choti Si Do Jheelon Mein Wo Behati Rehati Hai Koi Sune Ya Na Sune Kehti Rehti Hai Kuch Likh Ke Aur Kuch Zubani ~Gulzar ~~Masoom This one is devoted to my Father. You know, while growing up parents always say things to the kids and they often end their arguments with "We've grown up, crossed all the paths that you will be crossing, and we know what its like" And you often say to yourself, no way! That was a different time and these are different times, things are now different, the paths are different. And so you go on, do what you want to do. It's often happened to me. And it happened again, when I told my parents that I was dating someone. My Father wrote me an email and said a lot of things. He didnt shout, he didnt preach. But it had a nice "conversation over coffee" feel to it. And I love re-reading that email sometimes. The crux of what he said was, "I...

Zindagi Migzara.

Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi Chhaaon hai kabhi kabhi hai dhoop zindagi ~~Javed Akhtar, Kal ho Na Ho This is a post I will HAVE to name after my blog, simply because no other phrase can capture the true meaning of what I will try my best to express in words in this one. It all started on the Third Floor balcony of Omega, Hyderabad. And the best part is the fact that we didn't even know that we had started something new. We went through months of dilemma and denial while deep down both of us just knew. As a very dear friend puts it we had the 'connection' , but we were yet to discover it. Days, Nights, and months went by, before we realized. In fact more than 'realization', we accepted that we meant a lot more to each other. Today when people ask me for a time,date and place and what, where, how, when. I am clueless. Because it was not love at first sight, it was even more beautiful than that. A friendship that both of us treasured to th...

Zendagi Migzara

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