Zendagi Migzara

I can’t remember where I was last year this time. I have clear memories of July 25th but July 24th I don’t remember at all. This year, I am in Bali and flying to Singapore at 10:00pm at night which means I will be in the air at 12:00 am July 25th, celebrating my birthday in the skies for the first time. I hope this flying high thing also spills into the rest of my thirties or at least the rest of this year. And that I’m always supported by two places that I have called home, in this case that is Singapore and Bali. Sometimes I wonder if I have been harsh about Singapore in many of my posts. I have many a time mentioned how I was driven to the point where I needed to leave the city/country and do something else with my life or I would continue being unhappy. I still hold that to be true, but just because I ended up feeling that way in Singapore does not mean that at some point I did not love the city. A little bit of my heart still beats for Singapore and to be frank, always wil...

I always overdo thing. I overthink things. I overfill my schedule. And overwork my body. Frankly, turning thirty to me isn't all that big a deal. She says that now, after having written for a whole month about leaving her twenties , you say. It's true though, I don't dread the 30s, neither will I mourn the loss of my 20s. I am writing this series to get back into the habit of writing that i have sadly given up and also to bid a good farewell, an ode maybe to the years that sculpted the woman I am today. And I love who I am today, so what I'm doing is just a small token of gratitude for all these past ten years and a warning to the 30s to top this, which I am sure it is going to. Let's see, so far I have written about love, about men, about poems, about food, about travel, about my resolutions, about fear, about faith and God, about friendships, about yoga and about gratitude, about fate, about waiting and patience, about indolence and a belief in destiny, ...

Don't give into your fears. If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart. ~ Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist Have you ever had your heart stop talking to you. Mine does that to me now and then and invariably when I'm asking it to answer me or guide me. And that is always when I'm giving into my fears. Whether it's with men, with pursuing my dreams, with living life exactly how I want to instead of thinking of what people would say, fear of money, fear of being alone, fear of not being worthy of love or not worthy of loving and fear of not meaning anything to anyone. My twenties have been ten years of me identifying those fears and slowly working through them. I wouldn't say I have gotten rid of them completely. If at all, there are some that have gotten worse over time. But in spite of those fears I have managed to keep some dreams alive and coax my heart to talk to me again. And now slowly as I am challenging those fears head on, my heart is rising...

Omg. 4 days to go. In four days I'll be leaving behind some of my most beautiful years but also some of my most traumatic. All lovely learning experiences nevertheless. Speaking of learning experiences, today I want to very quickly talk about being a bit more assertive. A couple of years back my manager at work then told me - I think you need to speak up more and be more assertive. Let's work on these skills and then let's also work on your promotion -   At that time I silently said in my head "yea right, just tell me straight up you don't want to put me up for promotion instead of giving me this corporate mumbo-jumbo". I have always been a believer of hard work speaks for itself and you don't need to be screaming from the rooftops about your "work" for you to get ahead in life, or for your worth to be recognised and rewarded. I have always been and will always be an introvert. I do not come across as one because I am very social and I ...

So today, I ran my first food pop-up in Bali & it was great. It was a lot of work and it was mad, but it was satisfying work! And now, I'm too tired to talk. Tomorrow folks! Ciao!

I'm terrible at this resolution business. This morning when I was practicing yoga, i said to myself July 25th onwards, I am going to start waking up at 5:30 am. I wonder why I need to wait until July 25th, if I really want to do it, I can start tomorrow no? For some reason when I'm doing yoga, either the most mundane thoughts cross my mind or my mind is totally blank - pure white noise. Which is why many times when I start my practice it becomes very difficult for me to stop - I enjoy it so much and there is so much to do, I never practice with a fixed "sequence" - my warm ups are always a set of suryanamaskars but my asanas post that are a mix and I will think of it only 5 seconds before I do it. I find that whole process very creative - you decide, you make, you flow. My mind is so fixed on itself and my breath and my body and most days it doesn't go anywhere except being in the present.  Except today where it was everywhere - thinking about all the things i...

One week to go and i have so many things to share. A part of me feels those who have read through these series will now easily be able to predict my characters going forward! eeeks! I have much to share today - but it will have to be a short post. In fact I am going to start and end with what i usually end with. A poem from Khalil Gibran that I chanced upon yesterday and is so worthy of being shared as much as possible. I apply this today to a different kind of love - not the romantic love I usually speak about on this blog. But the love for a dream, the hard work that pursuing that dreams invariably brings along with it, the trials and the tribulations and yet the overwhelming joys of following what truly enlivens you. To that, to my dream and my first few steps towards it, I dedicate this poem today. When love beckons to you, follow him,  Though his ways are hard and steep.  And when his wings enfold you, yield to him, Though the sword hidden amongst his pinions m...

Today was significant. I had a sip of pepsi after ages. Ages. I love Pepsi, I really do. When you are eating spicy indian food, and it's hot and you are sweating from the spice and the temperature - Pepsi just enhances your experience and the flavours tremendously ! But I'm also aware of how bad it is and I don't ever do it. Even if I am craving for it like mad, I don't do it. Frankly I am never craving for it that badly as well. But today I went out for lunch with a friend and we decided to eat at KFC and he ordered pepsi and the cashier asked me what i wanted to drink, and I, like a good girl said water, she said sorry no water. What is this world we live in - where I am pushed away from making a healthy choice? Anyway, i got tempted and said Pepsi as well. Either there wasn't much conviction in my voice or she was distracted, or destiny played it's part - she forgot to place my order for that pepsi (and also a regular french fries). So I didn't get...

I was on a scooter today to some place in Bali and I teared up, because I realised I hadn't prayed in the last couple of days. And like I have mentioned before in this series of blog posts, praying for me is a bunch of thank you's and a lot of gratitude for my current position in life. And I teared up because I was going through a tough time thinking about decisions and having to make all these decisions myself. I mean I of course have friends and family that I can call upon for help and advice but the sheer burden of having to make these decisions in the first place feels so heavy. So I would think to myself, "what is happening", "why am I going through this", "what is this meant to teach me". Those have been the top few questions I ask to myself when I was going through stuff in my twenties. The difference in the last few days was that I had stopped saying " thank you" and stopped being grateful and only focusing on all these things...