ऐ अजनबी तू बही कभी आवाज़ दे कहीं से
ऐ अजनबी तू बही कभी आवाज़ दे कहीं से
मैं यहाँ टुकड़ों में जी राहा हूँ
मैं यहाँ टुकड़ों में जी राहा हूँ
तू कहीं टुकड़ों में जी रही हैं
~~ गुलज़ार
~~ दिल से
So, my cakes are in the oven and they already look beautiful. I hope the trick I did with the recipe works : it might just mean that I have finally perfected the Red Velvet cupcake for The Cupcake Shop! My chai is waiting to be cooled and here I am with my story.
Little did Mohan and Nitya know, when they reached Siliguri junction that evening to board the train to Delhi that is was going to be along long night. It was November and Siliguri was freezing. Nitya was in a saree and had a shawl to cover herself. Mohan was in his usual jeans and a collared shirt with a sweater on top of it. Nitya was returning from Darjeeling. Her husband was in the civil services and had to visit Darjeeling for some work. Nitya and Navin had been married for just over a year now. And Nitya had a few friends from college in Darjeeling and decided to accompany him on the trip. They were supposed to stay for a week, but Navin had to go back to Delhi for some urgent work. He asked Nitya to stay back and spend time with her friends and went back to Delhi.
Mohan was a writer and had been in Darjeeling for a year now working on his novel. He was heading home to Delhi to visit his parents and for Diwali. And to of course meet Maya, his fiance. It had been a tough year for them, staying away from each other. But Maya had her own job in Delhi and he couldn't expect her to go where he goes. And he really needed to be away from Delhi to write this novel. She had taken it well. And he had visited often, so things were not bad at all.
It was 8:00pm, when the taxi dropped Nitya at the station. The porter carried her suitcase to platform # 1 and she paid him and sat down on the bench. The station was not deserted but neither was it full and crowded despite being quite an important junction. She pulled her shawl closer. And pulled out her book : Gone With The Wind. Mohan was sitting a little far, two benches away. It really was cold, he pulled out his muffler and wrapped his neck. Yes, that was better. The train was not too far away anyway, 8:35 PM was the estimated time. Just as he was thinking that, the speakers came alive with an announcement. And the typical "Indian Railway announcement tune" blared that winter evening breaking the heavy silence that the fog was bringing along with it : ting-ning-ning : यात्रीगण कृपया ध्यान दीजिये, गाडी नंबर 4785 ब्रह्मपुत्र मेल जो न्यू जलपाईगुड़ी से सिलिगुरी होते हुए दिल्ली जा रही हैं , 30 मिनट देरी से चल रही हैं , असुविधा के लिए खेद हैं। : Travelers please pay attention, train number 4785 going from new jalpaiguri to delhi via siliguri is running 30 minutes late. Inconvenience is regretted.
Mohan sighed. This was nothing new. Trains running late were a common deal in India. 30mins only was actually a good sign. He chained his bag to the bench and went to get himself a cup of chai. He reached the stall and waited, there was lady talking to the stall boy. She asked for a cup of chai and paid him 5 rupees. The boy looked at Mohan and he asked for the same. He opened his wallet to look for change and couldn't find any. He only had 100 rupee notes. The stall boy didn't have change to pay back and asked Mohan for a fifty at least. He said he didn't have any. Nitya then offered to pay and gave the boy a 10 rupee note and took back the Rs 5. Mohan thanked her and told her he'll pay her back, maybe the book stall guy had change. She smiled at him and said it was ok, he didn't need to pay her back, it was just a cup of tea anyway. He thought of arguing, but then it was just 5 rupees and thanked her. The boy was preparing tea and they both looked at him work. There was something about cold winter evenings and chai. Add a railway station to that and it was a perfect setting. He started talking and introduced himself. She shook his hand and introduced herself as well. He couldn't help noticing how beautiful she was. Curly long black hair, although tied. Smooth dark complexion, beautiful big round eyes. Bengali? No couldn't be, the features were too sharp, her high cheekbones and her pointed nose, certainly not Bengali. That saree, how beautiful women looked in sarees, he wondered why they don't wear them often. Nitya's saree reminded him of the old days and the memories of his mother from when he was a child and her full sleeved blouse showed her long thin arms. How much a saree can hide and how much it reveals at the same time. He also noticed a mangalsutra. aah married. But no husband around.
He finally heard her ask, "So you're going to Delhi?" He answered yes and their tea was ready. Small glass cups, synonymous with road side tea stalls in India. These glasses added a different twist and taste to the tea! They took a glass each and he said, "do you mind if we sit together and sip this chai?" She smiled and said of course not. He kept the glass down on her bench and went to get his stuff. He came back and sat down at a safe distance and they both got talking. She told her about Navin, he told her about his book and how he had been in Darjeeling for a year now. He asked her where she was from, she said Bangalore. Aaah, South Indian, he thought to herself.
He finally heard her ask, "So you're going to Delhi?" He answered yes and their tea was ready. Small glass cups, synonymous with road side tea stalls in India. These glasses added a different twist and taste to the tea! They took a glass each and he said, "do you mind if we sit together and sip this chai?" She smiled and said of course not. He kept the glass down on her bench and went to get his stuff. He came back and sat down at a safe distance and they both got talking. She told her about Navin, he told her about his book and how he had been in Darjeeling for a year now. He asked her where she was from, she said Bangalore. Aaah, South Indian, he thought to herself.
And the announcement lady was back with another ting-ning-ning. There was some problem with the tracks and the train was delayed, they couldn't say for how long. She of course apologized for the inconvenience. Mohan and Nitya were both disappointed and cursed. Then Mohan said, at least we have each other to talk to! She smiled. He asked about her life and she told him. She was an army officer's daughter. Had never lived in one city/town for more than 3 years. Which is why, when he asked her where she was from, she was actually in a dilemma as to which city or state to name. He smiled and said "That's why the hesitation!" She then told him about all the places she had stayed in and her friends scattered all over the country and how she had come to visit a friend here in darjeeling and when Navin said he was coming here for work, she wanted to accompany him. She then said, "enough about myself, tell me about you" And he started talking. His father was an officer in Tata Steel and they were from Jamshedpur. Although born and bought up there, he now lived in Delhi with his parents. And even after marriage, he will continue living in Delhi. "oh so you're getting married" she asked. He said yes, he was engaged to Maya, she worked with the UN in Delhi and they were planning to settle down there. She was from Delhi. "A Delhi girl!" Nitya said and laughed and then realised, he might get hurt and immediately said sorry, "I didn't mean it in a bad way, I've gone to college in Delhi and some of my very close friends are delhites. But it's just Delhi girls sometimes make me laugh" He laughed and said " You don't have to apologize, I know their "By God" nature, Maya thankfully is not like that : surprising since she has only lived in Delhi and hey (!) why would i marry a girl like that anyway!" They laughed together and went on to narrate their experiences with Delhi girls. And they laughed more.
And then they hit if off. They spoke about music and discussed AR Rahman. He started to hum a song and she remarked, "wow, not bad you sing well.", "I am trained in classical music" he said. She didn't know whether to believe it or not. He was after all a little funny, a little sarcastic, a little mad. So she had a "I don't know whether I should believe this" expression on her face. He laughed and said "Hey, not everything I say is in jest! I really used to learn music, but left it in between somehow" She smiled and told him, "I've always wanted to learn to sing and dance, but we were never posted in places, where you could find teachers" And she went on to tell him about many many many more things she wanted to learn and do. When she was talking he looked at her and for some time, was lost in the drawl of her voice. Yes, she did have a South Indian accent. You couldn't notice it immediately, but in some of her words, it would jump at you, that accent. And then suddenly he heard her say "But life is a little quiet after marriage, i mean you can't really be the way you want to and do all things you did as an unmarried girl right" And then he said "Nitya! I am shocked you say that. You come across as someone who wants to do a multitude of things together, you want to try out new things, travel, and i am shocked you say this" She smiled and said "I am still that person Mohan, but it's just that, after marriage, your life is not only yours, it ties itself to another person. And their dreams. So you settle into a nice comfortable pace of life, doesn't mean you're not happy, but just that sometimes it's not exactly what you thought it would be, not in a bad way, but just, you know?" He said, "So you and Navin didn't have a love marriage, you didn't know each other before getting married?" "No, it was an arranged marriage, but we took time to get to know each other for a year before we got married, so it's not like I didn't know what I was getting into." And suddenly they both grew quiet. There was a sense of sadness and loss in that last sentence of hers. it was an awkward silence. He said, "time for another chai?" It was 10PM. The train was nowhere in sight. Mohan first went to the bookstall guy and got change for chai. Nitya was still lost in her own world, when he got two glasses and put it down on the bench in between them.
And then they hit if off. They spoke about music and discussed AR Rahman. He started to hum a song and she remarked, "wow, not bad you sing well.", "I am trained in classical music" he said. She didn't know whether to believe it or not. He was after all a little funny, a little sarcastic, a little mad. So she had a "I don't know whether I should believe this" expression on her face. He laughed and said "Hey, not everything I say is in jest! I really used to learn music, but left it in between somehow" She smiled and told him, "I've always wanted to learn to sing and dance, but we were never posted in places, where you could find teachers" And she went on to tell him about many many many more things she wanted to learn and do. When she was talking he looked at her and for some time, was lost in the drawl of her voice. Yes, she did have a South Indian accent. You couldn't notice it immediately, but in some of her words, it would jump at you, that accent. And then suddenly he heard her say "But life is a little quiet after marriage, i mean you can't really be the way you want to and do all things you did as an unmarried girl right" And then he said "Nitya! I am shocked you say that. You come across as someone who wants to do a multitude of things together, you want to try out new things, travel, and i am shocked you say this" She smiled and said "I am still that person Mohan, but it's just that, after marriage, your life is not only yours, it ties itself to another person. And their dreams. So you settle into a nice comfortable pace of life, doesn't mean you're not happy, but just that sometimes it's not exactly what you thought it would be, not in a bad way, but just, you know?" He said, "So you and Navin didn't have a love marriage, you didn't know each other before getting married?" "No, it was an arranged marriage, but we took time to get to know each other for a year before we got married, so it's not like I didn't know what I was getting into." And suddenly they both grew quiet. There was a sense of sadness and loss in that last sentence of hers. it was an awkward silence. He said, "time for another chai?" It was 10PM. The train was nowhere in sight. Mohan first went to the bookstall guy and got change for chai. Nitya was still lost in her own world, when he got two glasses and put it down on the bench in between them.
And then he started to talk. "Maya and I have known each other for sometime now. She is not a typical Delhi girl" that made Nitya smile. "Our families know each other and we found that we have the same dreams and wants and aspirations from life. Though I am a hopeless romantic and she is the practical one, but that works well for us" So she asked him "Its good that you love each other, that is very important in life and in a marriage, you do love each other right?" He smiled at her, and said "Sometimes I think, love is too bookish a concept to exist in real life. I am a writer, so i have very unreal expectations from love, mohabbat. But I am wise enough to know that and adjust my expectations from life" She looked at him and said "Oh, a practical romantic. an oxymoron right? " He smiled and went on to describe what he thought love would be like and what it actually was. Nitya could almost see herself in that situation. She loved Navin, it's not like she didn't. But she wasn't madly in love with him, he didn't make her world go around. He did't excite her. But then things like excitement and head over heels in love, was for school girls right, and she was a married woman. And there was nothing wrong with their marriage, their friends loved them as a couple, they were known to be perfect hosts, her parents loved Navin. And her parents's approval mattered to her. She was happy. What more could one want, right?
Mohan snapped his fingers in front of her face and said "Hello, looks like I've started to bore you now" And she shook her head and apologized, something took her back to the past she said.
And so the night went on, he spoke, she spoke, they spoke about life and Navin and Maya and love and chai and music, ar rahman, movies, Delhi, everything. He went and asked the station master for an update about the train. There was a defect in one of the tracks and the train was stopped until the tracks were repaired. So no one knew how long before the train go to Siliguri. Mohan was happy in a weird way, "more time with Nitya" he thought. And immediately he realised how he felt. He liked her, or was beginning to like her. He should be careful he thought, she was married and he was engaged. He went back to their bench and told her about the train. She said, "Too bad, but at least I have you" and she bit her tongue, and smiled. He sat down. They both now knew, they were beginning to like each other. "So when is the wedding" she asked, "Soon, I just needed to complete this novel, it should be done in a month or so. Soon after that" "Nice, " she said. "So what do you love about her", he smiled " well, she is independent, strong willed, has a mind of her own, my family likes her, intelligent, aware of whats going on in the world, we have the same taste in music & movies, we have a lot of fun with each other. what about you, what do you love about Navin?" Nitya, smiled and went into her own space again and began to speak "He is gentle, well read, concerned about the country and doing something about it, he gives me my space and lets me be, but" Mohan looked and glanced at her face. She looked beautiful, the glow of the orange light bulb on her face, the mist surrounding it, her hair, now open and flowing down like a rivulet. She was clearly agitated, she kept removing and putting on her wedding ring from her thin long fingers. Without thinking, he held her hand and softly said "But?" She looked up, the tears in her face, floating on the brim of her eye lids, almost betraying what she was trying so hard to hide, "But, life is not like I imagined it to be you know. He works too hard, he hears me, but doesn't listen to what I have to say, I don't have the need for anything, money, good clothes, friends, parties, a car, a big house, but i feel like life is not what it should be, what i imagined it to be. I really like him, he is a very nice guy, everyone loves him, and now we have a deep friendship as well, I am very comfortable with him. That's what a relationship is supposed to aspire towards right? Comfort and a deep sense of trust, security and friendship" He held her hand tighter and said " Nitya, you don't have to aspire to anything, I can feel what you are saying, sometimes just sometimes, I feel that way about Maya, but then there is nothing outwardly wrong with our relationship, I don't even know why I am saying this to you or why you are said what you said to me. I just know what it feels like, that's all. I don't have answers to your questions."
Her tears fell, on their hands. He wiped her face and immediately reaslied, he shouldn't be doing what he was doing. He withdrew his hands and she turned her face away to wipe her tears. And he suddenly asked "Does he make you laugh like crazy mad laughter?" She turned back suddenly, and looked into his eyes. She noticed for the first time, the shine in his eyes, the glint that floated in the black. She stared at them for a long time and then she said "yes, he makes me laugh sometimes" "Good, that's good, you look beautiful when you laugh, you should laugh more" She smiled. "Do what you love Nitya, it will make you happy. Learn how to sing. Learn how to dance. They say, we find happiness in the small things in life" She smiled and said "I could say the same for you, you know"
Her tears fell, on their hands. He wiped her face and immediately reaslied, he shouldn't be doing what he was doing. He withdrew his hands and she turned her face away to wipe her tears. And he suddenly asked "Does he make you laugh like crazy mad laughter?" She turned back suddenly, and looked into his eyes. She noticed for the first time, the shine in his eyes, the glint that floated in the black. She stared at them for a long time and then she said "yes, he makes me laugh sometimes" "Good, that's good, you look beautiful when you laugh, you should laugh more" She smiled. "Do what you love Nitya, it will make you happy. Learn how to sing. Learn how to dance. They say, we find happiness in the small things in life" She smiled and said "I could say the same for you, you know"
And they both laughed.
It was 3 am now. And the train wasn't coming. Nitya was dozing off. Mohan said "You can rest your head on my shoulder, if you'd like" And she did. The fragrance from her hair cut through the cold wind and reached him, he closed his eyes and found himself thinking about how life would have been if they had met each other earlier. How would their life be, would they be happier with each other? More than they are with their respective loves now? Something in him told him, he would be happy. She makes him happy. But then who can say, only time can tell. And that's what they don't have. Destiny has played it's hand. They never met before and she would never leave Navin now. Does that mean, that if he could, he would leave Maya? He caught himself in time and scolded himself for thinking these thoughts. "Yes, who knows how life would have been,no?" Looks like he was thinking aloud! She had heard him. He didn't say anything and she drifted off to a deep sleep. She dreamt about being a girl again, lying on the green grass of her college garden, bunking her maths class, sunbathing with her best friend, talking about if they got the chance to make a movie, they would definitely cast Shah Rukh and what would the story be and the music? There at that moment, when they were both lying next to each other that February morning, something had made them laugh and they had laughed so hard. Oh to be young again....... She woke up with a start when the announcement lady spoke. It was 5 am. She had been sleeping on Mohan's shoulder for almost 2 hours. And he had dozed off too. The train was getting here. Finally.
And they got up and started getting their things ready to board the train. Mohan returned the glasses to the chai stall. When he came back, Nitya was ready for the train. She was sitting on her bench, looking ahead at the upcoming dawn, the sun was slowly rising and the mist was lifting away, it was still cold. "I am glad I met you Nitya" " Me too Mohan. Maybe it's better we don't meet on our journey to Delhi." He nodded and understood what she was trying to say. They looked at each other, a long , one last look when they heard the train approaching,"Be happy Mohan, life is too short for regrets" and with that she hugged him, tightly, and at that moment, they both wanted to stay there and not go back to their awaiting lives, but they had to, they just had to. And with one last tight hug that she let go and turned her face away. Tears were flowing now, openly. She walked towards her bogie and resisted the urge to run back to Mohan. The train stopped, she picked up her suitcase and put it on the train and held the bar with her right hand as she raised her foot to step inside the bogie, and then she turned. He was standing there, next to the bench, holding his bag, and he smiled when she looked back and waved. She will always remember this night, that bench and Mohan. And so will he.
That's it. That's all I saw in the dream. Of course, I filled in a few details while i was writing the story, but the overall framework is what I dreamt about. My cakes, got done long back. And they are heavenly, though a little burnt :) But I like the crispyness on the top of the cupcake. oh, how I love you red velvet! It's dinnertime now, Shah Rukh's Paheli is playing on TV. I never understood why this movie didn't do well. I loved it. But then, no one takes my opinions seriously when it comes to movies, especially Shah Rukh's .
I'll write the next installment for Aman and Treya tomorrow. I promise.
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