When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
~~Que Sera Sera
~ Doris Day
The best thing about mothers is irrespective of whatever happens in your life, they are always there for you. She is there to celebrate a victory, to scold when you make a mistake, to hug when you are hurt. There have been loads of times my mom and I have not agreed on certain things, people, situations. Actually more often that not, we disagree. But even when we've disagreed she has always stood by me. Say I've made a new friend and my mom doesn't seem to like her too much, she tells me so and I laugh it off. And if that friend actually turns out to be not-a-friend, my mom has never come back and said "I told you so". In fact the only time I remember her saying 'I told you so' was when she predicted a certain history question in my XII Std History paper and it did come.
It's been three years since I've left home and lived in Hyderabad alone. And even though I have carved a nice little space for myself in Hyderabad, I miss my mother and her presence. When I return home after a long tiring day, she is not there to come to my room and give me a cup of tea and sit with me, telling me about her day and asking me about mine. She is not there to listen to every tiny crib of mine, patiently sit through, as i describe people, places, events. She is not there to laugh when I laugh, get angry, when I get frustrated and smile when I smile. I often forget the discussion the next day, but she will remember and ask me for an update and if Im doing better, and if that person troubled me again and I'll smile at her and say "Yes Ma, im ok". I miss that.
I went home for two weeks for Diwali recently. After ages I was taking that long a break. It was beautiful. Both of us had so much to share with each other. We would talk from dawn to dusk, crib, bitch, laugh, cry, sing, shop! It was beautiful being around her.
One afternoon, we finished lunch, but kept sitting on the table talking. She asked me about certain friends of mine and how they were doing in Hyderabad. I looked at her and smiled and said "they're fine" But mothers being mothers, have this uncanny ability to understand whats hidden in the depths of your being. She saw the difference in my smile, she saw how after "they're fine" I didn't add anything. She sensed that something had hurt me. And she asked. I looked up from my empty plate to look into her eyes and saw the golden-brown in them and said "we are not friends anymore ma". She asked me why and I gave her the whole story. She told me where I was wrong and she told me where I was right in that whole situation. By the end of it, she told me, "think about yourself sometimes, the world moves on, and most people also do. But I know you, i know how you can never forgive or forget. how you hold on to things and people" She told me to either let go, or protect myself from any further such incidents. I looked at her and she had tears in her eyes, I teared up when I saw them.
In that moment, that less-than-a-minute moment, she said "I wish I can protect you throughout, hold you close and keep you away from hurt: physical and emotional, but how much ever I want certain things in life, i cant get them" I realised then, that moment, that I had grown up.
All i wanted to be then, was my mother's little girl. All I saw in her eyes then was unconditional love and understanding. She knew how I felt, how I was feeling.
And suddenly that moment was gone, as silently as it had come, it was gone.
She never asked me for reasons, never gave her opinion, never judged the situation. Just simply listened to my story and saw how it affected me.
She got up from the table and picker up her plate and went into the kitchen and I followed her.
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
~~Que Sera Sera
~ Doris Day
The best thing about mothers is irrespective of whatever happens in your life, they are always there for you. She is there to celebrate a victory, to scold when you make a mistake, to hug when you are hurt. There have been loads of times my mom and I have not agreed on certain things, people, situations. Actually more often that not, we disagree. But even when we've disagreed she has always stood by me. Say I've made a new friend and my mom doesn't seem to like her too much, she tells me so and I laugh it off. And if that friend actually turns out to be not-a-friend, my mom has never come back and said "I told you so". In fact the only time I remember her saying 'I told you so' was when she predicted a certain history question in my XII Std History paper and it did come.
It's been three years since I've left home and lived in Hyderabad alone. And even though I have carved a nice little space for myself in Hyderabad, I miss my mother and her presence. When I return home after a long tiring day, she is not there to come to my room and give me a cup of tea and sit with me, telling me about her day and asking me about mine. She is not there to listen to every tiny crib of mine, patiently sit through, as i describe people, places, events. She is not there to laugh when I laugh, get angry, when I get frustrated and smile when I smile. I often forget the discussion the next day, but she will remember and ask me for an update and if Im doing better, and if that person troubled me again and I'll smile at her and say "Yes Ma, im ok". I miss that.
I went home for two weeks for Diwali recently. After ages I was taking that long a break. It was beautiful. Both of us had so much to share with each other. We would talk from dawn to dusk, crib, bitch, laugh, cry, sing, shop! It was beautiful being around her.
One afternoon, we finished lunch, but kept sitting on the table talking. She asked me about certain friends of mine and how they were doing in Hyderabad. I looked at her and smiled and said "they're fine" But mothers being mothers, have this uncanny ability to understand whats hidden in the depths of your being. She saw the difference in my smile, she saw how after "they're fine" I didn't add anything. She sensed that something had hurt me. And she asked. I looked up from my empty plate to look into her eyes and saw the golden-brown in them and said "we are not friends anymore ma". She asked me why and I gave her the whole story. She told me where I was wrong and she told me where I was right in that whole situation. By the end of it, she told me, "think about yourself sometimes, the world moves on, and most people also do. But I know you, i know how you can never forgive or forget. how you hold on to things and people" She told me to either let go, or protect myself from any further such incidents. I looked at her and she had tears in her eyes, I teared up when I saw them.
In that moment, that less-than-a-minute moment, she said "I wish I can protect you throughout, hold you close and keep you away from hurt: physical and emotional, but how much ever I want certain things in life, i cant get them" I realised then, that moment, that I had grown up.
All i wanted to be then, was my mother's little girl. All I saw in her eyes then was unconditional love and understanding. She knew how I felt, how I was feeling.
And suddenly that moment was gone, as silently as it had come, it was gone.
She never asked me for reasons, never gave her opinion, never judged the situation. Just simply listened to my story and saw how it affected me.
She got up from the table and picker up her plate and went into the kitchen and I followed her.
:)
ReplyDelete