A friend asked me this question when his relationship was not exactly the way he wanted it to be. And I answered, simply, anything, I would go as far as love requires me to go. I mean we all would right? I knew I would. It’s all up to you. To keep it alive and to let anything that makes it weaker pass , and move on. Always making it stronger. After all what’s love and life without a little ups and downs.And I still believe this.
But there can always be a second case. A case where you know that there will be no two sides to the game. Where there is no hope to keep alive. What would you do then? I would have answered: There’s nothing called no hope. You see, I have lived my life with certain beliefs that I have. Certain beliefs that Shah helped me build. He said, in Mohabattein :
“Maine us se mohabbat karne se pehle yeh sharth to nahi rakhi thi ki woh mujhse zyada jiyegi."
Mohabbat mein shartein nahi hoti toh afsos bhi nahi hona chahiye. Toh kya hua ki woh aaj mere saath nahi, main aaj bhi us se utni hi mohabbat karta hoon, aur isliye nahi ki aur nahi milli, par isliye ki usse mohabbat karne se fursat hi nahi milti, jab bhi woh mujhe yaad aati hain, main bas apni aaankhein bandh kar leta hoon , woh mere saamne aa jaati hain.
Sameer, tumne us se mohabbat karne se pehle yeh sharth toh nahi rakhi thi ki woh bhi tumse mohabbat karegi, toh phir aaj sirf is liye ki woh kisi aur ko chahti hain tum usse bhoola doge,
Apni mohabbat ko itni aasaani se mat haarne do yaar.
Mohabbat bhi zindagi ki tarah hoti hai, har mod aasaan nahi hota, har mod par khushi nahi hoti, par jab hum zindagi ka saath nahi chodte toh mohabbat ka saath kyun chodein?”
Love can not be that weak that you need to give up hope. Never.
I don’t know if I believe in that any longer. I don’t know if I will ever be ready to break someone’s else dream to make mine come true. I don’t know if I could ever snatch someone else’s song away to sing mine. I don’t know if I can hold his hands and look into his eyes, knowing that somewhere someone will be staring into empty space. I don’t know if I can ever be happy in borrowed happiness. I don’t know if I can make someone else shed tears to stop my own. I don’t if I will ever be content in this, knowing deep down that I had to hurt someone else. Irrespective of how ‘happy’ that would make me or how perfect that would be, or how imperfect it is now. I’d rather not make myself smile someone else’s smiles. I’d rather not make someone cry because I wanted to stop. I’d rather hurt myself a little more with an old hurt than give someone a new one. I’d rather tell myself that the dreams were not meant to be. It wasn’t Maktub. Fighting for your love is one thing. Fighting for someone else’s is altogether a different thing. No matter how much ever you feel he/she belongs to you. No matter how perfect it seems. Because it was never your love to begin with. I’d rather accept that than live a fake story.
This is not my Shah’s love. It is not mine either.
I end up being a loser in this situation? That’s ok. I’d rather be me.
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