Anjaana Anjaani

clicked by Jamie Sinz (http://www.jamiesinz.com/2008/11/leh-in-photos/)

हल्का हल्का सा गुमा  हैं
जाने क्या मुझे हुआ हैं
हर नज़र दर बदर अजनबी

हमको भी येही गिला हैं
जो भी आज कल मिला हैं
हर कदम दम बदम  अजनबी

इस तरफ जो हैं  उदासी
इस तरफ भी हैं ज़रा सी
दिल की राहों के
दो अजनबी …. …

~ Neelesh Mishra
~~ Anjaana Anjaani


Aman went back to Delhi. The day he was to leave, he was anxious and didn't know the reason. It's that feeling of you're leaving something behind, was it any paerticular thing of his, he checked his camera, his lens, got his phone, checked all the drawers and peeped under the bed. Yup, it was all packed and safe. Then what was this feeling. Maybe, it was just  travel anxiety. But he always looked forward to flights and airports, so it couldn't be travel related. In fact he was looking forward to going to Delhi. There was a wedding shoot starting tomorrow. He sighed and threw up his hands in the air, picked up his camera bag, stretched the handle of his strolley and left the room. In the flight, before he even heard the air hostess announce the safety and emergency procedures, he dozed off. In his head, as he was falling asleep, he was making a mental note of what all he needed ready for this wedding tomorrow. Slowly as sleep drifted through and touched the remotest corners of his being, an image came into his mind. It was a wedding mantap, all decked up and the fire burning in the havan-kund, but there was no one around, he was all alone. And slowly, a figure came from behind one of the pillars, it was Treya. The way he had seen her on the night of the wedding. And as quietly as she had come, she went away and the dream faded away and he fell into a deep slumber.

Treya's heavy heart was getting heavier day by day. The only peace was when she was practicing yoga and was in her mudras and asanas. One evening when she returned from her studio, she went into her room, sat herself down and spoke to herself. "What's wrong Treya. nothing happened for you to be so upset, he didn't promise you anything. You guys never even talked romantically throughout the wedding."And she heard herself say " but he could've have come and met me once before he left" as she said this, she opened her laptop and signed into Gmail. Her phone wasn't syncing her emails for some reason and she hadn't checked her emails whole day. There was an email from Aman titled "For You". Her heart started beating faster as if she was in an inversion pose with the blood rushing to her head. She could hear nothing but her breath. Slowly the cursor moved up to open the email and saw an attachment. There was a HUGE beautiful picture of hers, standing at the mantap. Aman had also written two lines "Hi Treya, it's a shame we couldn't meet before I left for Delhi. Here's a lovely picture of yours from the wedding. Will be sending more to Arundhati soon. Cheers - Aman"

Nothing. Else. As elated as she had felt when she saw her picture, she felt equally deflated now. He couldn't write another line saying "see you soon" ?  But then, he had made the effort to single out this picture to send it to her just a week after the wedding. And he called it beautiful. Could this mean? But before her heart could jump to a million twisted and complicated conclusions, she saw a window pop up, he had pinged her  with a "Hey there" She smiled and typed back " Aman! hey!" and then she analyzed her ping, was it too excited? Why had she called out his name? And two exclamation marks - is just too much isn't it? And while she sat analyzing on this side, Aman didn't know what else to type. He had seen her online and had pinged her on a whim. And now that she had replied, what more did he want to say. He wanted to ask her how she was, and how yoga was, and how everyone at home was. But is that too personal? So he didn't type anything. And they waited for 10 minutes. The wait was too much for Treya and she said "Thanks for the picture, it is beautiful". That eased Aman a bit and he was himself again "You're welcome, very narcissistic you are I see" and so the conversation continued. She asked him about the wedding he had to shoot and he asked her general questions. And then he sent her a song on email : Bano Re Bano  from yeh jawaani hain deewani. They had both discussed the song and how it was such a  beautiful mesh of an old punjabi folk song with the original version of Kabira from the movie. They spoke for 2 hours before they realised, it was that long. And then her mom called her for dinner and she told him she had to leave. There was this weird sense of peace when she slept that night. Aman couldn't stop thinking about her as well. And so thanks to chat on Gmail, they continued talking and keeping in touch.


He sent her a song everyday and as days went by, those songs became more and more romantic.  On weekends when both were free, they would talk from morning until night, they were with each other from the minute they woke up everyday to the time they went to sleep. Until one day, she pinged him in the morning and he didnt reply, he didn't reply the whole day. She considered calling him, but in all this time, they had never spoken to each other or heard each others voices. Technically they weren't even dating. So she gave up the idea. She woke up around 3 am to have water and saw her phone blinking. There was an email. It was from Aman. It was titled "Hey" and was a long email. Something in her told her that even though she wished for it  to finally be his proclamation of love to her, it wasn't. She started reading it. But the scrolling on her phone was irritating her. She picked up  her laptop and switched it on. As she read the email, the dread in her heart grew stronger and stronger. He was telling her about Radha. The girl he loved. She had broken up and gone to the US to study. And now she was back. To India and to him. And he still loved her. And he knew that there was something between them, but after Radha came back, everything from their past rushed to him and he wanted to have her and all of that back. He apologised and said he knew that this would hurt her. He hoped they could be friends, but he would understand if she didn't want to.

Treya was numb. Being her, she understood. She didn't blame him. She would do the same if she was in his place and if someone she loved so deeply would return. And he was happy he had at least taken the time and effort to write her an email and explain. That was the logical side of Treya, the real side of her wanted to burst out crying and it did. She was miserable. For days. The incident changed her. After a month, she decided she needed to move out of Bangalore. The city reminded her too much of him. Even though he had no physical memories with him here, it seemed as if he was here, his songs were here. There was an opening in her yoga studio, they were opening a new specialized yoga resort in Leh. She applied to move there. When she told her parents at home. They were shocked. Leh was too far away, and yoga resort? Who would go there, was it worth taking the chance ? Wasn't Jammu and Kashmir still volatile? Isn't it dangerous? But she had made up her mind. Being as stubborn as her dad, they knew nothing they said would make a difference now. So they gave up. And so Treya moved to Leh. life there was beautiful. It took some time getting used to after the hustle bustle of a city, especially her Bangalore, whose every nook and corner was known to her. Bangalore was her home, her family and friends lived there. But the city had begin to haunt her after Aman. He was the first man she had ever loved. And lost. Leh was so peaceful. The resort was right next to a Buddhist monastery and was as peaceful as its neighbor. Contrary to her apprehensions, it was quite popular among tourists. Especially foreigners. The people of Leh were lovely. In the year she had been there, Aman had started to drift away from her mind. She was happy. More than that, she was content. She went home to Bangalore once in the winters and was planning to go again soon.

She wasn't in touch with Aman at all. She didn't reply to his email and he didn't write another. She used to follow his blog for sometime to check out his recent work and the weddings he had covered, but she stopped doing that when she came across a post that spoke about Radha. He was completely out of her life, but not out of her mind, and certainly not out of her heart. Not yet. It will take more than an elevation of 3400 meters to remove him from her thoughts.


अनजाना कहने को ही था …
मेरा था वोह जो भी था
अनजानी …… है मगर नहीं के तू
हैं यहीं कहीं

जबसे जाना के अब ना जाना हैं
फिर कभी भी तुम्हे
चाहतों से किनारा कर लिया
जबसे सोचा के अब न सोचेंगे
फिर  कभी भी तुम्हे
दिल ने कोई बहाना  कर दिया