Zendagi Migzara

(villa rugolo, ravello, italy) "chehra ek phool ki tarah shaadaab hai chehra uska hai ya koi mahtaab hai chehra jaise ghazal chehra jaan-i-ghazal chehra jaise kalli chehra jaise kanwal..” ~ Afreen Afreen Lyrics by the amazing Late Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan It's crazy how we say the same things every year. How fast the year has gone by, how it'll be christmas time soon and before we know it we will be welcoming another year. 2016 started off a bit iffy for me, I decided to spend the time around holidays in Singapore, which is not a bad decision, had i had all my friends in town. Unfortunately I didn't and after heroically deciding on December 29th that I am going to wear my pretty dress, put on some make up and show up at Arab Street all by myself and party to welcome 2016, I chickened out. I couldn't get myself to go. Instead i walked in the rain on December 31st on my way back home, which was refreshing. Bought myself some amazing groceries an...

I looked for it far and wide Across oceans, Atop mountains Over bridges And in between ravines. I looked for it in friends And in foes In open arms & on shut doors I looked for it during days & nights At dawn and dusk In incenses and fragrances & all kinds of musk I looked for it on weekdays & on Saturday Brunches During short coffee breaks & Long lazy Sunday lunches I looked for it in men And their beguiling eyes In their smooth talks & practised smiles. I looked for it in true loves, And in one night stands In forever & evers And in morning afters I looked for it in joy And in heaps of sadness In squeals of laughter And in streaks of madness Maybe its sitting Under a big old tree around some corner Still hiding from me Or maybe it's lying open in a park, Where its quiet & calmer Where I can hear dogs softly bark & where the winter sun feels warmer ...

Glasses clanked and wine flowed, lights dimmed and the music slowed. As the night drew on, my disinterest shone, I was among a crowd. & yet I was alone. Holiday plans are discussed Airline miles get told, I belong here, & yet I don't? Who are these people & what do they say, I want to leave, & yet I have to stay. Is it me, Or is it them? I can't seem to keep up & yet I pretend. I know nothing of the gossip they share, I want to seem interested Yet, I frankly don't care. In such moments, you'd be the first to know, how much I'm struggling how badly I want to go. As I spin a parallel world, I'm asked 'Are you ok?' 'Yes, of course' is my answer, And yet, I'm not.

Among throngs of people My eyes searched for you I tried to spot your salt and pepper hair And craned my neck to view My heart was thumping against my ribs I didn't know what to do Had you already left ? That couldn't be true How could i not see you one last time How could i not feel your heart beat against mine ? Just one last time I was ready to promise anything away The Universe was treating this sacred moment like child's play Someone heard my prayer, For you tapped my shoulder and said my name In that moment I tried to memorise The creases around your mouth The ever present glint in your eye How long can I hold onto it? Maybe until next month Or next year Maybe my entire life And then maybe some more. Your familiar scent reached me The aroma of that clothes softener Meant so much It meant more than you'll ever know It meant more than I'll ever show It meant you. So for 10.65 SGD a bottle I can capture you forever And every Sunday you'll float Into my h...

I've missed writing on this blog. Often a story would pop into my head and then as i began to jot it down, it would slowly drift away as well. I often fantasized about taking a week off just to write all these half-stories in my mind. But then, I have forced myself in the past to sit with a laptop and my blogger draft page open and nothing would come from within, either the story would vanish or I wouldn't have the words to write it or I would have the words for it and wonder if I wanted to put it out there. Over the past year I've had a tumultuous relationship with faith and the universe and love and life in general. Family and friends existed and were always there for me to reach out to but I didn't seem to want to include them in what i was going through. Mostly because I was having a tough time trying to define what was happening myself, and then to try and explain it to someone else seemed too mammoth a task for my weary brain to undertake.  Also, pos...

as i walk back from the train station towards home, i cross a football field. Often its late in the night, the stars are out, a few folks are running or walking on the track. I take off my footwear, hold it in my hand or put them in my bag and walk barefoot on the field. As I walk, I gaze up at the sky and watch the stars burn, and often my favorite poem comes back to me, 'how should we like it were the stars to burn, with a passion for us,  we couldn't return?....if equal affection is not to be, let the more loving one be me ". I stand and stare at all the stars, the big ones, the small ones, the ones that glitter and the ones that don't. The ones that form a shape and the ones that stand alone. But mostly, my eyes seek one set of them. I begin by identifying three of them in a row and slowly it begins to take shape. Orion, the hunter. I often look at it and smile, or cry, whichever way my heart is tugging that particular moment. But its one of the few mom...

"You have my words, maybe that's why I'm incapable of writing this year, all my stories begin and end at you. You have my soul, maybe that's why i'm incapable of baking this year, for baking was my meditation and i no longer have the soul for it. You have me, pieces of me and maybe my whole, so I've spent this entire year trying to find myself, piece by piece, day by day, most at night." ~ nine Dhruv and Tara met each other when they had both begun to accept defeat. He was afraid to love, afraid of opening himself up to hurt again, and for what, for whom? For yet another failed attempt at finding his soulmate? Did he even believe in that anymore? What was love? A bunch of bullshit that american television had subjected us to? This picture-perfect visual of love between two perfect people in perfect circumstances, does that ever happen in real life?  Isn't that the reason for all these false expectations then? The standards we all hold...